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We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Insomniac

by Brandon Brooks

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helen
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helen The hardest part is falling... Phenomenal album!
Tied for favorite- Undone, You'll Feel It When You Know It, Pay Phone, and The Night Before...
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1.
Leap Year 03:48
Verse 1: Wait, I'm catching up. Take the miles we walked together, Add 'em up. Cuz I don't mind, Wasting days, Wasting time, With you. Love, Oh, I hold it close. In the arms of all your beauty, I'm enough. But, late at night, When the world is quiet, I'm alone. Verse 2: Out through the alley, double vision, Glare in my eyes from the passing cars. Dragging my knuckles on the brick walls, bloody, When lonely is not enough. Promised a girl I would try to get better, Promised the world I would open my eyes. In the back of my mind, I'm so full of fucking doubt, But I really wanna try. Pre-Chorus: Let's face it, This world is cold and jaded, And fear is so contagious, When you see the long way down. Chorus: Oh, there's a knot inside my chest now, You can't be lost if you never were found. That little voice is screaming out, "No you won't get far by crawling". Feel the moment on your fingertips, Where it ends and where it all begins, Cuz when you're closer to the edge, The hardest part is falling. The hardest part is falling.
2.
Verse 1: Foolish, I don't even know If I can do this, No greater mistake than the Shading of the lines Between the shape of your heart, Will the colors even mind if they Die for the art? Focus, Don't push any buttons Or be noticed. While you watch it unfold, Put some holes into the wall When the service is done, But for now I'm just a shadow, With my back to the sun. Pre-Chorus 1: I try to fit all the pieces Into place, But what do I know about the Figures and the faces? The point of return Makes no exceptions, If you Burn out from both ends; What doesn't kill you, Leaves you broken and bent. So they say: Chorus: "Keep it light, Don't let it get heavy, With all the Weight you hold, Cuz every single Song you wrote, Is useless, When you're trying to small talk. Do it right, Just keep it simple, stupid, And leave it at the door, Cuz nobody will see you, And you won't see them, With your pity party on the floor." Verse 2: Face it, Pain is a waste, if you chase it. But if you remain, You'll be learning how to lose, Until the end of your life, Oh the days are never easy, But you're gonna get by. Hold it, Your hand isn't useful When it's folded, You know it's the truth. It's like only being honest When you're caught in a lie, No, you don't get any points, If you don't even try. Pre-Chorus 2: Pull me back From the fog, across the sea. I don't even know if I could be capable, Of learning how to breathe again. The waves will dash Against the rocks, But they will not Bury me. These are the ways that I learned to live with grief.
3.
Jughead 03:13
Verse: I found a little box Of all the things that we couldn't have, All those photographs Lost to time. It's been a beautiful life, And you know I don't wanna let you go, But it's our story, We'll be just fine. Out of our minds, But never feeling like we're out of step, Swaying to the rhythm again, Until the lights go out. I'll follow you forever, That's what I'm supposed to do. I'm just a fool, In a plastic crown. Chorus: Wrapped in indecision, Regrets tied up into a bow, You're the dark and winding road, And the path ahead that takes me home. The flowers and the poems, For every single life we left behind, They make me wanna sing, You're the only thing that I got right. Outro: Let's slow dance tonight, And I don't care, We can stay here for forever. Forever. If we don't get far, Then we'll get there together. If we don't get far, We still got each other. Right through the night, And into the morning, With you.
4.
Blink 03:06
Verse 1: I took it down when my Walls were adjusted, Threw it out when the Jewel case busted, And now the holes from The tacks are All I got left. I think I found it in a Bin at the thrift place, Track 7 was the song that Made my lungs ache. Just a kid screaming Out all the things unsaid. Pre-Chorus 1: I know that we've all grown up, But the music will take us there, To night-driving with windows down, Breathing the summer air. Chorus: You know that if you Blink right now, Then the moment is lost; A blurry little photo Of a second you caught. Welcome to the part, Where you can't ever trace The chord back to the thought. Blink, once again, And it goes even faster. Another year down, Another disaster. Three little words, For the time that flies: "Where are you?" Verse 2: Now, on the radio, When those songs start to play, I fight the urge to say "It ain't like the old days", Just like my parents did on Saturday nights, With Genesis and Air Supply. I really doubt It's truly all about the music, It's about your youth and how You never wanna lose it. The things you loved When you were young Make you feel so alive. Pre-Chorus 2: I know that we've all moved on, But the melody brings us home, To running wild without a thought, Through fields and backroads. Chorus: You know that if you Blink right now, Then the moment is lost; A blurry little photo Of a second you caught. Welcome to the part, Where you can't ever trace The chord back to the thought. Blink, once again, And it goes even faster. Another year down, Another disaster. Three little words, For the time that flies: "Where are you?"
5.
Verse 1: No point in counting The stars in the sky; Endless projections From a place that has died. A light from a life is much Harder to find, When the black that surrounds them Is there til the end of time. When does the chokehold Begin to let go? All of this darkness is All that I know. You can't claw the walls when you're Down in a hole. You just make it wider, You just start to lose control. Refrain 1: Wide open spaces. I can't wait to rest In a bed of black roses. You'll feel it when you know it. Verse 2: Run like the ocean Is rising again. Drunk on the brine From the water I tread. You know that the good things All come to an end, So float in the moment, With all of that stolen silence. I don't see the difference Of pleasure and pain, The good and the bad, Always end up the same. Like a poor little moth That's been swallowed by flame, You go where the glow is, When you know it's dying. Refrain 2: So close you can taste it, A place without heartache, When you live it and bleed it. You'll know it when you see it. Bridge: No, it won't be long Before all these songs I've sung Are forgotten and gone; A stone on the pond, Skipping to the other side. No, I won't tempt fate, But out through the garden gate, Is where I choose to be alive. You'll feel it when you know it.
6.
Undone 04:06
Verse 1: All I know is that you Got me to shed my skin, Now I wake up knowing Something new to believe. On the surface, I was drunk in a daze, But you saved me With what's underneath. There's a shiver crawling Up through the base of my spine, Like a river running To the warmth of your touch. I wash away into The ocean in your eyes, And baby, It's never enough. Pre-Chorus: Oh I know it's Never right to be selfish, But I don't want This ever to end. A moment with you Feels like a lifetime, And I'd do it over And over again. Chorus: I'm coming undone, You're holding my strings Frayed by the fall. Can I show you what you do to me With your back to the wall? I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna lay here. You got me coming undone. Verse 2: I'm just a fool when all the Music makes you move the way you do, The sound evaporates And the world is a blur. I fog the mirror So it's clearer what I wrote, "Trust me, it'll always be her." I've got your named etched on the Edges near the stitching in my heart, So you know I'll never be Your greatest mistake. Part by part, You give me reason to be breathing, And oh, You make my body ache. Pre-Chorus 2: Oh, I want you just to be selfish, I never wanna leave this bed. Yeah, you're spinning little spirals above me, Pirouettes inside my head. Chorus 2: I'm coming undone, You're holding my strings, Frayed by the fall. Can I show you what you do to me, With your back to the wall? I don't wanna sleep, I don't ever wanna leave. Never wanna let go, Until I'm losing control. Running out of air, Aching for more, Can you show me what you wanna do, With my back on the floor? Coming up for breath, Then going back for more. You got me coming undone.
7.
Verse 1: More or less a decade, That I lost to my depression, The better parts of me collapsed To time and introspection. I made mistakes and then I made A bed down on the floor. I opened up my scars and Closed the door. I cut you out and pushed away, The people that could help me, Figured I would save the pain and Let them all down gently. I'll keep the story short, But in the end I always knew, The one who waited for me, Was you. Pre-Chorus: Yeah, you always bring me back, To parking lots and cold parades. Playing Daylight at your bedside, Taking graveyard shifts at midnight. Those sad and lonely kids, Just sharing sad and lonely spaces. Chorus: Don't you know You're good enough? Cuz, babe these days, without you, I'm missing all your pieces. It's all I want, To fall back in bed beside you. I'll, once again, remind you, That every single song I try to write Just ends up being about you, And all my goddamn feelings, But I never run, If we can hide. If we can hide. Verse 2: People say to stay in touch, When they end their conversations, As if pain can't find a way to write The words to Good Vibrations. You fake it in your smile, And then you fake it in your heart, And before you know it, This is where you are. All our talks were more than making Quips about the weather, All the bits and banter made each Day a little better. Letting the walls fall down a again, It's easier with trust, When the people we will always have Are us. Pre-Chorus 2: Yeah, you always bring me back To missing shortcuts just to wander. Rolling dice and reading magazines, Laughing at bad movie scenes. Those lost and lucky kids, Getting lost and lucky together. Chorus: Don't you know You're good enough? Cuz, babe these days, without you, I'm missing all your pieces. It's all I want, To fall back in bed beside you. I'll, once again, remind you, That every single song I try to write Just ends up being about you, And all my goddamn feelings, But I never run, If we can hide. If we can hide. Bridge: Sittin' on the bridge In the middle of the night, When the party got a little too loud. You'll never be a person In the background, No, you'll never be a Face in the crowd. It's hard to just be honest When your head's a big mess, But I never thought My love could ever last long. But then, I never had a person In my life who ever made me wanna Write a bunch of sappy Little love songs. Slippin' on the ice on New Year's Eve, Singin' in the Rain, On a lightpost. Billy Joe struggling On the chorus, Better let the crowd Sing the part with the high note. I never had a friend who made Me fall so far, Never had a lover Make me laugh hard. Don't you know that all the Little pieces of you, They fit into the Shape of my heart. All your pieces.
8.
The room is lined with Painted faces. (staring) A dozen empty eyes Staring At you. Do not look back at them. Do not let them know. Do not let this get to you. Do not let this keep you up, Again. Out in the hallway, There is nothing. An absence of light. A tangle of memories. A knot that will never be untied. Is that a figure, Clawing it's way in? Or is that a sea of emptiness, Where your world used to be? Do not disconnect. Do not slide away. Do not forget who you are. This is your so-called vision. This is your creativity. This is what they praised you for, When you were just the quiet kid. Only speaking when spoken to. Only choosing when asked. Only moving when the water hits your ankles. This is an unquiet mind. This is every single night. This is all you know. This is all Through the Gap in the Doorway.
9.
Pay Phone 04:02
Verse 1: I never learn. How many times Have I even tried? Who will Take my place When I return? Young, And wide awake, And starry-eyed; Afraid of no one, Hungry for nothing. Verse 2: It's in my veins, A sweet and cherry red, And I want it out. It fills my head With static, And it fucking aches, And if I feed it Even once, It'll hold me down. A sad and Sorry affair, But so it goes. Reality feels So wrong, When you're all alone, And you're Pressing the numbers from memory On the pay phone. I'm cleaning Out the rooms, Cuz they're all I know. Addicted to misery, Left with Nothing to show. Chorus: I think I heard Forever is a long, long time, And loneliness is Better as a concept, But I know they put The Devil in the details, kid, Cuz all I got for trying Was a complex. And I'll still be Fucking sober till the day I die, Cut myself dancing On the straight edge. I promise, in the morning, I will live my life, But only if Forever isn't like this. The hardest part is falling.
10.
Paperweight 03:20
Verse 1: A paperweight could keep me down, Give or take this bed I made To drown in. I digress, I digress; I'm tangled up, Spinning round, Hanging by a thread. Fireflies and memories, I'll let you know so you can leave The light on When I'm gone, when I'm gone. A perfect hill to die on, No summer rain, To help me drift to sleep. Chorus: Hang me out, So my bleeding heart can dry. (Don't let me down x2) And maybe, if it's broken, You can find me a new one. The city lights Look a little like constellations. (Don't keep me out x2) When I'm miles away from All I love. Verse 2: Twist and turn and shed my skin, The odds and ends and Never-Been's Control me. So it goes, so it goes. The engine purrs and we depart, But we never grow apart. I dream of nights I'll never see, Rolling hills, fallen leaves Without you. I'll wake up, I'll wake up. But a part of me is so afraid, I'll fall asleep and Never see you again. Chorus: Hang me out, So my bleeding heart can dry. (Don't let me down x2) And maybe, if it's broken, You can find me a new one. The city lights Look a little like constellations. (Don't keep me out x2) When I'm miles away from All I love
11.
Intro: The Night Before. Insomniac. If a tree falls in a forest, And all that. Verse 1: Little birds, Bending Branches. Northern lights, Starry dancers. Shuffling Through Haunted Houses. Counting sheep, I lost track in the thousands. Everything has lead to this, And then it's gonna be behind me. Waiting in the clearing, To freeze or fade away, starving. The key will change. Verse 2: Velvet gloves, Scarlet letters. Dial tones, For worse or better. Another year older, Another plan down the drain. Another night reminiscing About the pouring rain. Tomorrow will be better, But if it ends up the same, It'll take the rest of your life To catch up to the Good Old Days. Tried to drown the voices, But they kept coming back To haunt you. Did it hurt when you were thinking That no one is ever gonna Want you? But things will change. But things will change. But things will change. But things will change.
12.
Verse 1: Far Away from the lights, Away from the noises, Is a quiet little town. There, In the back of a car, From the passenger mirror, Is a tree falling down. Chorus1: Let go, It's done and dusted, And though it lingers, It's just the shape of where you've been. Come home someday, Worn and rusted, And trace the scripture back to the source, With dirty fingers. And everything changes. Verse 2: Daydreams, Of growing too old, too fast, With the hound on my heels, at last, Yeah, they're pulling me astray. One day, When I'm dead and I'm gone, All the things that I've known, all that I've done, Will be lost to the waves. Chorus 2: I'm up For a few more hours, Til the hum of the silence Is all that I hear. I'm done With pity and mercy; When the sun also rises, I'll kill it with kindness. And everything changes. And everything changes. And everything changes. And everything changes.
13.
The Voices 02:49
Fragile minds and fraying knots, A sea of stars and curtain calls. Lucid dreams and lesser thoughts, The Voices carry through the wall. Across the aisle from terminus, A fallow fire like all before. Reckless words and arguments, The Voices carry through the door. A lovely case of phantom limb, When all you know is what you're not, So tell yourself you'll feel again. The Voices carry through the dark. Through Great Goodbyes and scatterbrains, They may relent, but they never leave. A perfect time to drift away, The Voices carry us to sleep.
14.
Falling 05:39
Verse 1: For every rock thrown At your window, There's a hundred nights spent counting up Love songs lost in limbo. Where does the music go when it Slips through my lips and into the air? What does it mean If nobody cares? I had no drive, And no ambition. Not much has changed, but hey, I have days that I waste with tunnel vision. I'm so terrified of failing at the things that I love, And if it's all my fault, It means that I never should have tried, At all. Pre-Chorus 1: I don't even see The people on the streets When I pass them by, When they pass me by. Doesn't even phase me, We're living in a haze Til the next life. Chorus 1: I was falling When my wings came off. I kissed the sun, And I missed the only time you Called me, When you needed me the most. I'm a parasite to Starve your host. The night is young, But so was I. The days are cold, And my throat is dry. My voice is gone, But little by little, I'll get it back In time. Verse 2: Through all the confusion, Through the mouth of madness, It was only the one time I turned to the Bitter cold to cure my sadness. But, The Night Before I planned on Leaving through the garden gate, That was the happiest I've ever been. Now I'm down a sister, Down a father, And I've lost some friends, but I never thought again, That I shouldn't even bother. Sure, I'm tired of writing through the lens Of my sad, blue eyes, But with them I can see you, So I guess I'll be just fine. Pre-Chorus 2: Every single day, Is a chance that I will take To see this through, To do what I can do. Every single song And all the things that I have done, Were to get to you. Chorus 2: I'll be falling When my wings come off, I'll kiss the sun And never miss the times that you Call me, When you need me the most. You're the life that I have chosen. The night is young, And so are we, Our bed is warm, When the days are freezing. My voice is gone, But little by little, It's coming back To me. The hardest part is falling.
15.
Bag 'O Bones 02:58
Verse: Pinned to the wall As an outline, Marked for the night To own. Skin burning blue From the moonlight. Don't let go Of my Bag Of Bones. Chorus: Please don't Leave me behind, Because when you go, Everything leaves with you, Except for your ghost. When the credits are rolling, This dying art, Is all that is mine, And is all that I know. Spoken Word: You see it all, Through the gap, In the doorway. A soft glow trickles in From beneath the curtain. Little birds sing in harmony. Angels mark the path between Snowbanks and backyards. The coldest month. Now one day longer. One more night to get through. To pace back and forth. To hear voices. To break down and fixate On all that you've lost. All that you could have done better. All that you will never be. Soon you will fall asleep, And soon you will do it all over again. Every day. Every night. Longer than the last. Outro: Everything ends. But not everything leaves us. Everything fades, But not everything ages. Sometimes I fall asleep, And everything changes. The hardest part Is falling behind. The hardest part, Is falling behind.

about

This album was conceived for an event called February Album Writing Month, or FAWM. I had never even heard of it until the 28th or 29th of January 2024, and I immediately fell headfirst into it. The goal was to complete 14 songs for every other day of February as a, exercise in instincts, to not dwell on lyrics or themes or get caught up in the finer details.

This was just to make music after a pretty sizeable bout of writers block, as well as a bunch of other forms of self-imposed hiatus. It was fun, it was rewarding, it was exhausting, and ultimately, it is what it is. Themes may have developed naturally, but this was ultimately me moving on from one song to the next with no real goal except for making music.

Everything here was conceived, written, arranged, composed, recorded, mixed, and mastered between the dates of January 29th, 2024, and February 28th, 2024 (except for the instrumentation for "Blink", which began as a little experiment months earlier that I had no intention of continuing).

It ended up being an album about my insomnia; a day that starts fresh and devolves into the same quiet nights, while also learning and trying to grow. It's melancholic, but it's not hopeless.

It is far from perfect. It has highs and it has lows. It's something from nothing, and ultimately it's something that I'm proud of and grateful for the experience.

credits

released February 29, 2024

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anti_exit Kingston, Ontario

Anti_Exit is a project by singer-songwriter Brandon Brooks focused on a trilogy of concept albums. He also releases non-conceptual music under his given name.

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